Today I am 31. That means I am officially into my 30’s. Somehow, I was able to rationalize that 30 was kind of like the tail end of my 20’s, but once you roll over to 31, that changes everything. It’s funny that when I was a kid, 30 seemed so old. In my mind, 30 year-olds were people who were married. 30-year-olds had kids. 30-year-olds owned homes and had important jobs. Well, I guess with a husband and two kids, I’m half-way to what I thought I would be.
I used to think that by the time I reached my 30’s I would be a successful whatever with a nice house and the ability to take cool vacations at least every other year or so. The good news is that although I’m not by my 21-year-old standard of thinking a successful person, I am a happy person. I’m much happier than I ever was in my 20s and much more at ease with who I am and what life is throwing at me.
You see, I always used to think about life in terms of “when,” as in, “when I graduate from college, I can finally have a real job,” and “When I have a few years of this job under my belt, I can move on to a better job.” It’s like the old saying about how life is what happens when you are waiting for it to begin. It’s true. Looking back at the way I viewed my life 10 years ago, I certainly did not think I would be on foodstamps. But, I’m actually ok with that now, where as I would have been mortified by it back then.
The other day I ran into a girl I knew from high school. She is doing well and looked happy, but I asked her why she was no longer living in Atlanta. She said her husband got laid off, and they had to live with family for a while, but now he has a new job in their old home town and have just bought their first house. I was happy for them, but once again shocked to see how many people are losing their jobs these days. At least in this situation, things worked out for the best. I’m hoping that will be my situation in a few years too, but I’m no longer making the mistake of living my life in a way that postpones my happiness until I get to my “when.”
Our generation is going to be the first in a long time to have a lower standard of living than our parents did. But I think in many ways we are better equipped to deal with that. At least half the people I know are the children of divorce. Where you might think that would make those people adverse to marriage, you would be mistaken. The people I know whose parents had crappy marriages are working that much harder to make their marriages work. I think the same thing can be said in the case of poverty. Most of the people I know who are having to take on crappy jobs (if they are lucky enough to find them) or are on benefits for now came from good families, went to college and some even worked good jobs for a time. They know what it’s like to have money and know that it doesn’t necessarily solve all your problems and bring happiness. Most of the people I know are dealing with these stresses well. They are happy people who are taking their unemployed time to do other things like take up biking or join the Peace Corps or even just enjoy their families.
I’m in that realm. I live in a dorm and, despite the clock-roaches, it’s actually a lot of fun. Sure, I still hope to own a home one day and be able to paint it in any gaudy color I want, but I’m not too worried about it right now.
Maybe owning a house is something people in their 40s do. For now, I’m just going to enjoy being 31 and poor.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Stress
It’s very stressful being poor. Everyone has money concerns no matter how much money you have. It seems to be that the more money you get, the more bills you begin to collect and the stress never seems to fade. But when you are completely reliant on others, it makes even deciding to buy an ice cream cone for you kids a big deal.
I’m apparently not handling my stress well these days. My hair is falling out and I feel more exhausted with each passing day. I know that there are a lot of moms out there that work, but in addition to watching my own children full-time, I’m now freelance writing and watching two other children. It’s great, don’t get me wrong. It’s perfect for me to be able to watch my kids and bring in extra money, it’s totally what I had been looking for. Still, I have to prepare and clean up after three meals a day plus snacks, wash laundry at least every other day, make sure the kids are safe and entertained and keep the house clean. I was sick the other day and my husband kept telling me to rest. If I rest, I get behind and then it’s even more stressful for me. Some moms say that I should not mind so much if my house gets messy. But, it’s one thing if I let my kids crawl around in filth, and it’s a whole other thing to let my house get dirty when I have other people’s kids coming over here to be cared for.
So I’m not dealing well with my stressful situation, and I feel like a complete spoiled brat because of it. I know that I’m lucky and could be dealing with much, much worse! I have two friends with children with cancer. They have to deal with keeping their kids safe and clean on a whole different level. Laundry loads for them are more than doubled because of the vomiting incidents and other digestive woes. Preparing meals for a picky child takes on a whole knew meaning when your baby’s taste buds have been destroyed by chemotherapy. And while a child with strep throat might bring out the worrywart in any momma, for the mother of a child with cancer it becomes whole new level of fear and ER visits.
So how do these mothers even function when their lives have been turned upside down? I have a theory. I think that we are like cups. Those cups can be filled with stress and we will feel the stress depending on how full our cups are. But those cups can only handle so much. When stress gets to a certain point, the cup just overflows, like a safety valve. We only feel it to a certain degree an then it’s like everything just flows on by. I think it’s the only way a a mother can be expected to do everything a mother is expected to do in a normal situation, not to mention something extraordinary like caring for a child with a serious illness.
Regardless of how they do it, every mother who sits through the hours of chemo, waiting to clean their child after the inevitable nausea, every mother who learns the ins and outs of cleaning an amputated limb or surgery site, every mother who comforts their child as the nurse pokes and prods one more time, is my hero.
This month is childhood cancer awareness month. I know I complain about my situation, but trust me — I am fully aware of how good my life is. I have two beautiful, sweet and HEALTHY children. I hope everyone who has the joyous luxury of having a healthy child takes a moment to think about how good they have it too.
I’m apparently not handling my stress well these days. My hair is falling out and I feel more exhausted with each passing day. I know that there are a lot of moms out there that work, but in addition to watching my own children full-time, I’m now freelance writing and watching two other children. It’s great, don’t get me wrong. It’s perfect for me to be able to watch my kids and bring in extra money, it’s totally what I had been looking for. Still, I have to prepare and clean up after three meals a day plus snacks, wash laundry at least every other day, make sure the kids are safe and entertained and keep the house clean. I was sick the other day and my husband kept telling me to rest. If I rest, I get behind and then it’s even more stressful for me. Some moms say that I should not mind so much if my house gets messy. But, it’s one thing if I let my kids crawl around in filth, and it’s a whole other thing to let my house get dirty when I have other people’s kids coming over here to be cared for.
So I’m not dealing well with my stressful situation, and I feel like a complete spoiled brat because of it. I know that I’m lucky and could be dealing with much, much worse! I have two friends with children with cancer. They have to deal with keeping their kids safe and clean on a whole different level. Laundry loads for them are more than doubled because of the vomiting incidents and other digestive woes. Preparing meals for a picky child takes on a whole knew meaning when your baby’s taste buds have been destroyed by chemotherapy. And while a child with strep throat might bring out the worrywart in any momma, for the mother of a child with cancer it becomes whole new level of fear and ER visits.
So how do these mothers even function when their lives have been turned upside down? I have a theory. I think that we are like cups. Those cups can be filled with stress and we will feel the stress depending on how full our cups are. But those cups can only handle so much. When stress gets to a certain point, the cup just overflows, like a safety valve. We only feel it to a certain degree an then it’s like everything just flows on by. I think it’s the only way a a mother can be expected to do everything a mother is expected to do in a normal situation, not to mention something extraordinary like caring for a child with a serious illness.
Regardless of how they do it, every mother who sits through the hours of chemo, waiting to clean their child after the inevitable nausea, every mother who learns the ins and outs of cleaning an amputated limb or surgery site, every mother who comforts their child as the nurse pokes and prods one more time, is my hero.
This month is childhood cancer awareness month. I know I complain about my situation, but trust me — I am fully aware of how good my life is. I have two beautiful, sweet and HEALTHY children. I hope everyone who has the joyous luxury of having a healthy child takes a moment to think about how good they have it too.
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